Fantasy Job League

Since I started looking for work I’ve been trying to expand on the types of positions I apply for in order to increase my chances of getting one. Last week I even went to an interview for a role that was pretty much the anti-me – a sales position working in a mall. You probably won’t be surprised to know that even though I gave the best interview I could under the circumstances (well I don’t like to waste peoples’ time) that I didn’t get a call back.
So I’ve been thinking today about what kind of job would be the bestest ever, something I would really really want to do if there were no obstacles like experience and stuff. And this is what I came up with:

Neurosurgeon: I have wanted to be a neurosurgeon or even just a surgeon since I was little. It would be fascinating. You could wear cool scrubs and help people and shit. Also if you were at a dull event you could pretend to get an emergency on call message and swan off to be noble and surgeony.

Paid Writer: OK so I have had a few things published lately (two of which I’m getting paid for) but if I could do that all the time it would be fun. You learn about stuff when writing; it’s like being a detective and putting all the pieces of a puzzle together to come to a conclusion. Also if I got paid I could move to a small cottage in Scotland near the sea and write as storms hit the coast. It would be THE BEST.

International Woman of Intrigue: Well duh, who wouldn’t want to do that? It would be well cool and adventurey. I’d have heaps of international passports, loads of gadgets, break a lot of hearts and would never have to settle down until I was really old and could afford a really nice house or apartment in New York and maybe one in London. Then I would write my memoirs.

Explorer of the Sea: Despite his failings Steve Zissou had an ace job. He could piss off for months at a time to the sea. The sea is nice is because when you dive under it you don’t have to talk to anyone and you get to hang out with fish who appear more sensibler and straight forward than humans.

Eccentric Reclusive Heiress: I think this was the job I was born to do really.  I could buy up old buildings which were under threat of development and make sure the residents felt safe and like they had a home forever. I would live with my cats in an Art Deco apartment with a wardrobe worthy of the ladies in Advanced Style.
I could also live out my dream of being a Patron of the Arts.
Hopefully I wouldn’t end up sad like poor Little Edie.

Toy Artisan: There is an amazing toy maker called Cat-Rabbit. She creates acely adorable plush toys and badges and just ace stuff. I have three of her pieces, one was custom-made. I wish I could make cool stuff like that.

Here is the plush cat made for me by Cat-Rabbit based on things I wear like my black glasses, red duffle and stripy shirts. She also has a silver satchel.

Here is the plush cat made for me by Cat-Rabbit based on things I wear like my black glasses, red duffel and stripy shirts. She also has a silver satchel and boots like mine.

Genius Scientist/Inventor: It’d be nice to have a job which assists in the advancement of humanity. I would like to invent a personal space force field which also has a silencer. This is an idea I’ve had since I was little and had to sit next to my brother on long car rides. I believe it could solve a lot of disagreements and would be more user-friendly than sticking one’s fingers in one’s ears and going – nah nah, I can’t hear you or doing the personal space windmill chopper. You could also use it for other things like making politicians and loud neighbours shut up.

My Cat: Presently my cat leads a very cushy life. Because of my current situation I have to be at home A LOT and I think she really likes that. Well it means I am more at her beck and call than usual. She gets lots of pats, plays with ribbons a lot and can yell at me to open the back door at any hour (I won’t let her out at night though). Most of the time she looks pretty smug and sometimes downright happy.

My feline overlord, stealthily disguised as a pot plant.

My feline overlord, stealthily disguised as a pot plant, not looking particularly smug because stealth.

Explorer of Space and Time: My word yes. Does any more need to be said? I could go look at all of the things ever, whenever. And I’d have a silver uniform. Because silver is the best space colour. Or blue like Spock’s uniform, either way is good.

Puppeteer for The Jim Henson Company: Like toy making I don’t know that I’d be any good at this but I REALLY want to do it. When I was in New York I had a Muppet of my own made (yes, it’s a thing), her name is Henri and she was a member of the Ziegfeld Follies in the 1920s. The lady who had worked on her was trying to engage with me and Henri through another Muppet and I was just shit at it. Maybe I should just come up with the ideas for Muppets since I’m not a good performer. That would probably be for the best.

Henri, she was a showgirl.

Her name was Henri, she was a showgirl.

Head of a Really Decent Doona Cover Company: I may have some issues with linen addiction. There used to be a time when one could head down to the op shop and spend ten bucks on a vintage set. Not so much now. There are some nice quilt cover sets out there but they can be expensive. I’d love to design a range which was not only reasonably priced but also interesting. Personally I like to wake up covered in bright things as it’s a positive start to my day and makes me feel comfy at night.

Last, but not least, if I could really truly really do anything and money or skills weren’t an issue, the number one thing I should like to do is:

International Art Gallery Explorer: Of all the things on Earth which make me happy, art is probably at the toppermost. It can come in so many forms and is as diverse as the people who make it. Art changes all the time and is everywhere, you don’t have to be in a gallery to see it. If I could I’d make friends with someone who had a more formal education in art history than I and take them around the world, filming our adventures in art. That way people who can’t afford to travel could see it and maybe it would make them as happy as art makes me.

Cai Guo-Qiang's Falling Back to Earth exhibit at the Gallery of Modern Art, Brisbane, 2014.

Cai Guo-Qiang’s Falling Back to Earth exhibit at the Gallery of Modern Art, Brisbane, 2014.

From the same exhibit.

From the same exhibit.

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